Coming Home
by castlenova
Summary: Cal's been away for 18 months and when he comes back, some things have changed. Callian. Gill/OC
1. Chapter 1

The phone rang out somewhere in the distance as Gillian Foster flailed her hand around on the bedside table to reach for it. She found it and turned to snuggle back into the side of his chest, his arm holding her to him. She answered it sleepily.

"Yeah?" Slowly, as the voice on the other end of the phone spoke, her eyes opened further and she found herself fully awake.

"Ok," she said, hanging up the phone and dropping it to the bed beside her.

"Oh boy…" she said, a hint of worry in her voice. She felt his chest vibrate as he spoke.

"What's up?" he asked, arm clasping tighter around her shoulders.

"Cal's back," she said before slipping her legs out of bed and heading for the bathroom.

OXOXOXO

**I know, I shouldn't have started a new fic when I haven't finished my others, I'm sorry! But this one has been stuck in my head for ages so I'm going to roll with it. Hopefully I'll get some inspiration for my others!**

**Also, I realise that there are a couple of other fics like this out there at the moment so sorry if I'm stepping on anyone's toes. I'm hoping to take this in a slightly different direction.**


	2. Chapter 2

Cal Lightman felt unkempt as he stepped off the plane in Dulles Airport. He supposed it was only natural that he should feel so seeing as he had only shaved sporadically for the last 18 months.

He'd seen the news in the small hotel he'd stayed in for the last few days, on a TV that somehow had an English news station. He'd made the call as soon as he'd seen it and booked a flight. And now here he was…

OXOXOXO

_ "Lightman, you have to do this! They'll kill you if you don't. We can't protect you if you stay here." Ben Reynolds was yelling at Cal in his office. Gillian Foster stood outside the door, taking a deep breath, braving herself to go inside. To go inside and convince Cal that Reynolds was right.. To go inside and do what the FBI had told her to do, to get Cal out of their hair for a couple of months. She sighed and swallowed hard, opening the door and pushing her way inside…_

OXOXOXO

Cal picked up his bags from the carousel and made for the front door. There was no one there to greet him. No one knew he was coming. He hadn't called Emily, or Gillian or anyone to let them know he was back. He just assumed they'd know. Assumed they'd know well enough that as soon as he got the chance he'd be back…

OXOXOXO

_ Convincing Cal Lightman to go into witness protection was the hardest thing Gillian Foster had ever had to do. But she managed it and as she left his office that afternoon she felt a thin stab at her heart when she saw how hurt he looked at the thoughts of having to leave. She pushed it aside. It was for his own good. He was better off in hiding than dead…_

OXOXOXO

Cal hailed a cab easily enough and gave him his address, finding the house keys in his pocket, kept safe despite everything. He sat back in the taxi and sighed, hoping the cabbie wasn't one of the talkative type. He wasn't. He navigated his way through the busy rush hour traffic without as much as a cough. Cal was glad. He didn't really feel much like talking…

OXOXOXO

_ On the night before Cal was due to go into witness protection, he went to Gillian's house. She was wordless as she let him in, remained silent as he stopped in the hallway to pull her to him and hug her. She couldn't stop the stray tear escaping from her eye though and when he reached his thumb to brush it away his lips brushed hers. That was their undoing. _

_ They fell into bed and made love three times before Cal got up, dressed and left just after 3am. Gillian pretended to be asleep._

_ By the time Gillian got to work the next morning Cal was gone. There was no letter, no email, phone call, nothing. Nothing until just after 11am when the bank called and informed Gillian that $50,000 had been withdrawn from the company bank account._

_ Gillian had found it odd until the FBI phoned to tell her that they couldn't find Cal. That was when it all made sense._

_ He'd done a runner._

_OXOXOXO_

Cal was surprised to find his house smelling clean and aired when he stepped inside, dropping his bag and locking the door behind him. He took a deep breath and was sure he could smell lavender and it made him feel sleepy. He wondered if he'd slept properly even once in the last 18 months. He didn't think he had.

He let himself flop down onto the couch in the living room and shut his eyes momentarily. When he opened them, the sunlight had turned to darkness.

OXOXOXO

Gillian Foster had gone to work that morning somewhat apprehensive. At 11am she had a meeting with the FBI as regards the whereabouts of her business partner. As had been the case for the previous 18 months she told them she didn't know. And she really didn't. But she knew that he would be back now that the gang he'd been hiding from had been annihilated. She just didn't know when.

After it had become clear that Cal wouldn't be back for a while, Gillian had hired a HR manager¸ someone who took on her role of book-keeper and payroll attendee. His name was Tom Lowy and not long after he'd been recruited he'd asked Gillian out. They'd been seeing each other for 13 months now.

Gillian sat in her office that evening deliberating over what she should do. She looked at her phone and picked it up. Tom had taken off an hour ago, he had to have dinner at his sister's house and Gillian had not yet been invited. She didn't mind. She wasn't in the mood for socialising anyway. She looked at the phone again and put it back down on the desk.

She stood up and grabbed her coat. It was time to go home.

OXOXOXO

**Ok, chapter a little all over the place but bear with me!**


	3. Chapter 3

Cal set his alarm clock to 6am for the next morning. He got up, showered, shaved and brushed his teeth. He had no food in the house so instead he found his car keys and drove to the city.

In the 18 months he'd been away his favourite breakfast location had closed down so he walked a block east to where another of them was. He ordered an English fry and wolfed it down as if he had never eaten anything like it before. He hadn't for a long time. When he finished he began the walk back west, the walk to the office.

OXOXOXO

Gillian stepped from the elevator and immediately bumped into Tom who kissed her cheek affectionately.

"Good morning," he said quietly.

"Hi. How was last night?" she asked warmly, walking toward her office knowing he would follow her anyway.

"Boring. Would much preferred to have been with you," he said quickly, his hand trailing over her shoulder as she walked. She scooted on ahead. It felt weird having contact with anyone on these corridors. That luxury was always reserved for Cal. The very thought of his name sent her stomach tossing and turning. She almost forgot Tom was there until she was sitting at her desk facing him. He looked at her pointedly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just, preparing myself for the madness…" she said flippantly and he raised an eyebrow, sitting down at her desk.

OXOXOXO

The elevator door pinged open and Cal stepped from it to a shocked looking Anna. He nodded and said hello to the girl who was quite clearly in shock but he didn't feel like explaining now. He just kept walking. Towards her office. But not before meeting Loker in the hallway.

"Holy hell, you're back," he said almost dropping the files he was holding.

"Nope, just a figment of your imagination. Get back to work. Whatever you're working on…" he added pushing past the second shocked employee and powering on towards her door. He stopped outside. Should he knock? Should he just barge right in? Should he go home and call first instead. He rolled his eyes up to heaven and pushed down the handle, striding inside.

The first thing he noticed was the comfortable poise of the man in the office, the radiant look on Gillian's face as she spoke to him. The second thing was Gillian herself, she hadn't changed a bit, she still looked as beautiful as the last night he'd seen her, spent and beneath him, a tear trailing down her cheek. She looked up, shocked, now even though he knew she knew he'd be coming.

"Hello darling," he said, smiling widely and she stood up to move to him. He caught her in a tight hug and buried his face in her neck.

"Christ, I missed you…" he whispered and was surprised when Gillian pulled back and took a small step back from him.

"Cal, this is Tom Lowy. He's our new HR manager." Cal nodded, pursing his lip and he reached to shake Tom's hand.

"Welcome to the company," he said with little emotion.

"I've been here over a year but thank you." Cal nodded his head, seemingly missing the curt tone that Tom spoke with. Gillian didn't though and she shot Tom a look.

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got to do payroll. Nice to meet you Dr Lightman. Finally." He smiled thinly and left, pulling the door silently shut behind him. Cal watched him leave before rounding back on his partner, a smirk on his face.

"How long you sleeping with him then?" he grinned and Gillian shook her head.

"You come back after 18 months and _that's _the first thing you ask me?" She didn't even try to hide the irritation in her voice. He nodded his head.

"What else would I ask?" Gillian's jaw dropped.

"Oh I don't know: how am I? How's the company? How am I coping since you upped and abandoned it?" Cal bit his bottom lip.

"I already know the answers to those questions. The company's clearly doing well if we can afford to pay an extra member of staff. I met Loker in the hallway and he was busy. Anna had a stack of post on the front desk, probably all requests for consultation. And as for you, I only have to look at you to know how you are, you're stunning. As always." He smiled warmly at her and she shook her head but couldn't help letting her face mutate into a smile as he pulled her into another warm hug.

"I really did miss you…" he said into her ear. She nodded against him.

"Yeah. Me too." He stepped back and put a meter between them.

"So what's going on then? Catch me up." Gillian raised an eyebrow.

"Where have you been for the last 18 months?"

"Here, there, everywhere. Not important. Cases?" Gillian sighed. There was no point in trying to get any coherent information out of him when he was acting like this. She'd try him later. It struck her that their reunion had been rather odd, rather unexpected. She'd expected it to be a little awkward. She'd expected to have been shouting but it was as if he'd just come back from a week long vacation. As if he'd never left. Right down to the filling in of the cases. She shook her head slightly, hoping he hadn't seen it but he didn't seem to be paying attention. He was leaning against her desk, glancing around him as if he was relearning the room. She smiled and nodded her head.

"Come on. You arrived just in time for a tricky one…"

OXOXOXO

**Ok maybe a little rushed but I'm trying to keep this going while I have the idea in my head. Hopefully people are still following.**


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Cal reached the analysis room, Loker had informed Torres that the boss was back so when he came in she just said hello as normal. He smirked and shot a glance at Loker to let him know he knew he'd told her. He sat down in a chair in front of the screen and swung his feet onto the desk. Behind him Gillian filled him in on the details of the case but he wasn't really listening. He'd figure it out from the faces.

Loker pressed play on the video – a young woman apparently stricken with grief after the murder of her husband. It would be straightforward enough. She either did it, knew something about it or was totally innocent. Gillian had already ruled out the latter. They watched the video straight through. But no one spoke. Loker turned to look at Cal who was simply staring at the black screen, his chin on his hand, looking thoughtful. His lip quirked.

"Play it again," he said and Loker tapped the button. Gillian frowned slightly but watched as the video played again. When Cal, again, remained silent, she took over.

"That quirk of her lip when she says 'devastated'. She's not devastated, she's proud. Get her back in. Talk to the cops again…" She turned to look at Cal who was still staring into space. She cleared her throat and he looked up.

"Eh?"

"What do you think?" she asked cautiously, careful not to sound as if she was deferring to him. She'd been effectively running the company for the last 18 months after all. He seemed to jolt back to life, looking at Loker and Torres.

"Yeah, what she said, go." He stood up and slipped past Gillian, out the door behind the other two. Gillian frowned again, turning to watch him slink out and head for his office. She shook her head. Maybe he just had jetlag.

OXOXOXO

Cal sat in his office, feet on the desk, chin on hand. He glanced sporadically around his office. It hadn't changed a bit. Probably hadn't been used since he left. Gillian had probably come in once a week to make sure everything was in its rightful place but otherwise it had remained untouched. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. In a sense, he'd have liked it if Gillian had taken over his office. Her scent would be everywhere, instead of the dead monotonous smell it had now. He sighed and thought about that morning. Who was Tom Lowy? He made Gillian smile. That worried him. Greatly. He looked at his watch and wondered if it was too early to scarper. Emily and Zoe were due in the airport in a little more than two hours and he started doing calculations in his head as to how long it would take for him to drive over there.

He stood up and moved to his study, pursing his lips and slumping down on the couch. He'd been away for a year and a half, and yet today was the first time in a long time that he'd felt utterly and completely lost. He swung his legs onto the couch and let his head fall back onto the cushion. He closed his eyes.

OXOXOXO

He felt the hand on his chest before he heard her voice. His eyes opened slowly and he looked up into her face. He yawned and moved to sit up, swinging his legs off the couch. Gillian sat down next to him.

"Cal, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just knackered," he said honestly. His voice cracked slightly when her hand fell to his knee. He stretched his shoulders, hearing them crack and seeing her wince. They remained silent for a moment but not their usual comfortable silence. This one was more suggestive, the sense that there was more at steak for both of them.

"Where did you go Cal?" she asked softly. He groaned and looked at his watch. If he wanted to be in time for Emily and Zoe then he would have to leave soon.

"Not now Gill eh?" he said tiredly. Gillian nodded her head but he could see that she was a little bit hurt by what he was saying. She wore it on her sleeve.

"Is everything ok?" she asked then, as she got ready to stand up. He nodded his head, standing up behind her.

"Everything's fine darling." He reached his hand out to land on her arm and gave it a squeeze. She smiled and stepped out of his grasp.

"Talk later?" she suggested it more than asked and he nodded.

"Of course." He nodded before slipping out by her picking up his jacket and keys as he did. Once again, Gillian was left standing in a room that he had just walked out of. She felt like crying.

OXOXOXO

**Ok so there's a little more onto our story. I'm on a roll so let's hope it lasts! For those who don't like Zoe, I apologise in advance for the next chapter or two!**


	5. Chapter 5

Cal stood in the arrivals section he'd only left the day before. Em and Zoe's flight had been delayed 20 minutes so he'd taken to pacing for at least ten of those. He finally sat down to wait, grabbing a coffee from the nearest café and allowing his hands to warm on the cup despite the summer sunshine outside. He thought about what to say to them. Especially to Em. His rational told him that it had been no different to being in witness protection for the last 18 months but he supposed, putting himself in their shoes, it was very different. His head felt funny and the fatigue was catching up on him again.

His head was starting to nod when suddenly he heard the voice from a few yards away.

"Dad?" He looked up to see Emily, pulling her suitcase behind her, a curious look on her face. He stood up and moved to pull her into a tight hug, kissing her hair, his hand stroking her head, holding her tight to him. He didn't say a word. He wasn't able to and he didn't need to.

OXOXOXO

He drove to Zoe's house first. She'd held onto it after the move to Chicago, figuring it was handy to have and she had no need to sell it. The house market was bad at the moment anyway. He helped carry their bags in silently. In fact he'd said very little in the car on the ride over. Emily had talked non-stop, telling him about college in Berkeley where she'd ended up deciding on in the absence of her father to tell her what to do. She was studying anthropology, something that Cal was impressed with.

"Taking after your old man are you?" he joked. Emily raised an eyebrow and continued to tell him about her professors, each of whom Cal had either met or humiliated in his time as a deception expert.

"They know who you are?" he asked.

"I don't know but I'm sure as hell not going to tell them," Emily said in a serious tone. Cal chuckled and slouched down on the sitting room couch. Emily grabbed her suitcase.

"I'm going to go change out of these clothes. They're stuck to me." She picked up the case and bolted upstairs. Zoe glanced down at Cal from where she stood at the kitchen counter.

"So where'd you go, Cal?" she asked casually and he shrugged, his eyes feeling heavy again.

"Everywhere, nowhere,"

"You checked in at the office yet?" she asked moving to sit in the opposite armchair as he nodded his head, slouching further down, a sure sign that he wasn't happy about that visit.

"I bet Gillian squealed the house down…" Zoe said in a slightly catty tone. Cal's shifted away from her when she said that.

"No, she didn't. She was a bit shocked."

"Well I don't blame her Cal. You resurface after 18 months without so much as a whistle; of course it's going to take her by surprise!" Zoe shook her head wondering how it was that a man who could see so much struggled to comprehend what it was he was seeing.

"She's seeing someone. Tom Lowy. HR Manager. Ring any bells?" Cal hated that he was jealous. He assumed that was what was driving him to ask his ex-wife such a question on the day that she arrived home to see him after 18 months. She was shaking her head.

"Never heard of him. But then, I've been out of DC. Could be lots of new high flyers since I left…" she said jokingly. He scrunched his lips and felt his eyes closing again. He couldn't understand why he was so tired. He'd slept almost all day yesterday. He snapped back to life when Zoe called him.

"Hey! Go get some sleep upstairs. You can't drive in that state. I'll get something for dinner. You get some sleep." He shook his head, holding his hand up.

"I'm alright, I'm alright…" he stopped mid-speech when he felt her hand grab his and pull gently. He allowed himself to be guided up into a standing position, deadly close to his ex-wife, close enough for him to smell what perfume she was wearing and he recognised it straight away. He smirked. She had moved away and was with someone new but she still wore the scent that Cal had bought her for their first Christmas together. He looked at her and she smiled warmly.

"I'm glad you're back Cal. And safe." He smiled thinly, tiredly at her and she wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug. He let himself melt into her body as he draped his arms around her thin waist. God he missed this woman sometimes. He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent before they broke apart.

"Upstairs. Now," she said pointing to the hallway. He smirked as he walked to the doorway.

"You know there was a time when you'd say that and it was full of promise…" he smirked wickedly and she shook her head.

"Even jetlagged you manage to be obnoxious." He chuckled and made his way upstairs.

OXOXOXO

Zoe didn't wake him for dinner that evening. She looked in and he was out cold. He'd looked so peaceful and at ease that she decided he needed the sleep more than food at the moment.

Emily went to bed shortly after 10pm and Zoe was climbing the stairs to retire at 11. She opened his door to find him still asleep. Slowly and quietly she walked to the bedside, looking down at his lightly snoring figure. She reached a hand down and gently let her fingers trail through his hair. He stirred.

"Mmmm, that's nice…" he mumbled into the pillow and she stopped, pulling her hand back quickly only to suddenly find his grip around her wrist. She looked down to see his dark eyes staring up at her. Piercing. There was need there. And longing, though she knew that might have been misplaced. He loosened his grip on her wrist and twisted himself around to a more comfortable position, the pull on her hand drawing her closer until he was able to take her other hand and pull her down to his level. She went willingly.

Their lips brushed and he pulled her to him smiling as she slid her leg across his stomach, pulling him into a sitting position where she straddled him. Their kisses came hard and fast and Cal didn't care that he was substituting her for someone else. It wasn't as if she didn't know.

OXOXOXO

**And on we go. I know people who dislike Zoe incredibly. I have to say, I love her so bear with me on this!**


	6. Chapter 6

Zoe left the room soon after Cal fell asleep. It was customary at this stage. Whoever was where they shouldn't be got up and left. She cast a quick glance at her ex-husband before closing over the door.

OXOXOXO

When he woke the next morning he felt marginally more refreshed and less fatigued than the previous day. He supposed it would take a few days for the jetlag to fully wear off. He sighed linking his hands under his head. The office. It was once his respite, his safe haven and now, somehow, it was the last place he wanted to go. But he knew he'd have to.

OXOXOXO

Cal spent the morning in Zoe's house with Emily. He made breakfast, they watched TV and talked more about her college course. She too asked him where he'd been and he gave her the same response as everyone else who had asked.

"Dad, come on. I'm not a child, you can tell me…"

"It's not important love. Important thing is that I'm back, yeah?" Emily shrugged and nodded.

"I guess so. But why won't you tell anybody?" she asked, deciding not to let him off so easily.

"I will. When the time is right." Emily nodded.

"Gillian, right?" Cal shrugged his shoulders, his hands clasping together irritably.

"Maybe," was all he said.

OXOXOXO

He had hoped he would be able to dodge into his office that afternoon without being seen but that hope was vanquished when he ran into Tom, on his way from Gillian's office. He said hello and hoped that he'd be able to keep walking but Tom stopped him.

"Gillian told me that uh, now that you're back, I need to get you to sign off on some figures for me." He spoke with confidence but Cal could tell he was a little bit reluctant. He nodded his head and pointed toward the office.

"Come on in," he said pushing open the door and heading for his desk. Tom followed across as Cal plopped down in the chair, his trademark slouch. He pulled a pen from the cup on the desktop.

"What am I signing? And where?" he asked disinterested. Tom dropped a folder to the table and sifted through it, pulling out a thin printed document.

"Payroll. And just at the bottom. Under Gillian's name." Cal nodded, glancing down through the figures quickly, noticing that both Loker and Torres were getting paid slightly more than when he left. Everything else seemed to be perfectly fine. He traced his scrawl across the page under Gillian's name. He looked up at Tom who smiled politely back.

"So how long have you and Gillian been dating then?" Cal asked casually.

"Little over a year." Cal nodded his head and handed Tom the paperwork.

"Be good to her," he said in a low voice and he watched the ghost of a smirk cross Tom's face.

"Thanks," he said, picking up his folder and heading for the doorway. Cal watched the way he walked, back straight, chin up. He had that air of importance about him, the air that Gillian liked. In normal circumstances Cal would say they were well suited were it not for the fact that last 'important' guy Gillian had dated had been her drug addicted ex-husband. Cal figured that it might have been inevitable but he neither liked nor trusted Tom Lowy.

OXOXOXO

He was reviewing case videos when Gillian stopped by.

"I didn't even realise you were here until Tom told me," she said smiling. She sat down on a chair facing his desk, two coffees in her hand. She passed one to him which he took, offering his gratitude. He took a sip and smacked his lips together.

"God I missed coffee…" he said offhandedly and he could tell by her face that once again she was dying to ask where it was he had been. But she didn't. There was a knock on the door and Torres entered, holding a folder of her own. She stopped when she saw Gillian.

"Oh, sorry. I can come back…" but Cal shook his head and waved her in. She directed him to a saved video file on the company desktop which he opened on the big screen in the office. It was for a separate case that Torres was working on about an internet bullying incident. They watched it straight through and Gillian was the first to speak.

"Well he's clearly lying when he says he didn't 'stalk' her. And when he says he didn't see her at the party. But he's also showing what I think is sadness when you ask him about Tonya's rape… What do you think Cal?" Cal nodded his head.

"You're right," he said quickly, standing up. Gillian frowned and Torres mirrored it.

"Is that it? You have nothing else to add?" she asked incredulously. Cal slipped one arm into his jacket and then the other before answering.

"Not at the moment Torres but as you might have noticed I am incredibly jetlagged…" On that note, he headed for the doorway and slinked out before either could say another word. Torres looked at Gillian.

"What the hell?" she said.

"Your guess is as good as mine Ria…" Gillian said sighing. She was worried about him.

"He was lying when he said he had jetlag. You saw that right?" Gillian stood up, straightening down the line of her dress where it had creased from her sitting position. Ria asked her again and she wheeled around.

"Yes Ria I saw that. I've seen _everything_ on his face for the past two days. And that's how I know that something is wrong. But it's nobody's business but his so let's just stay out if, ok?" Ria nodded her head and skulked from the room, tail between her legs.

Gillian felt kind of bad for yelling at her. After all, she herself had absolutely _no_ intention of staying out Cal's business herself.

OXOXOXO


	7. Chapter 7

Cal sat down that evening with a beer on his couch. He wasn't tired but he felt like he was. Something was eating away at him, he knew that. He just needed to figure out how to deal with it. He always figured out a way in the end. He just needed to figure out what he was dealing _with._

He flicked through the TV stations until he found something he could turn the sound down on and watch the faces. He got another beer.

About an hour later he heard the knock on the door. He groaned and stood up, still carrying his beer. He moved to the front door and glanced through the peephole. His lip twitched at the side and he stepped back to open the door for her. He held it wide and she came in without either saying a word.

"Beer?" he asked, following her into the sitting room where she was looking at the TV with a curious look on her face.

"A rom-com Cal, really?" He shrugged and took a sip of his beer before holding it up in offering again.

"Reading the faces," he said casually. Gillian nodded to his offer of a beer. He moved to the kitchen to get one from the fridge.

"So, how are you settling in since you got back?" she asked as he re-entered the room handing the beer to her. He plonked down on the couch, slouching into his usual position.

"I'm fine darling, what about you?" He was nonchalant, didn't want to give anything away to her. She sat down at the other end of the couch, twisting her body slightly so she was facing him.

"It's kind of weird. But it sort of feels like you never left…" she smiled, raising the bottle to him and drinking.

"But I did leave…" he said, his voice taking on a remorseful tone that he was sure she wouldn't have missed. She said nothing but took another swig of her beer. He had made her uncomfortable. "…so how long are you going out with HR Boy?" Gillian shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Little over a year," she said not meeting his eye.

"Serious?" he asked, quick firing the question, not giving her the chance to think it out.

"We're going out a year Cal," she said pointedly and he nodded, looking away from her to focus on the TV again as he drained the last of his beer. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Sorry…" she said quietly and he looked at her.

"For what?" he challenged. She ran her tongue over her teeth under her lip.

"I'm just sorry…" she said ambiguously. She raised her eyes momentarily and caught his. The message was pretty clear. He swallowed hard and turned in his seat.

"I _couldn't_ tell you Gill, it was too dangerous, I didn't want to put you in danger. I didn't think I'd be gone so long…"

"Cal…" she said warily.

"…and I mean, how was it any different to being in witness protection, which is a bloody paradox anyway, because they couldn't protect a cabbage patch no less say me, how was it any different if…"

"Because I didn't know where you were Cal! Because at least in witness protection I would know that you're safe. You go traipsing off across the world and I haven't got a clue whether you're dead, alive or just running on adrenaline!" Her voice had risen and sounded more hysterical than normal. She calmed suddenly when she felt his hand on her knee. He had moved closer on the couch.

"Gill, love…I'm sorry, ok? I really am. If I could have told you, I would but I couldn't, you _know_ I couldn't!" She took a deep breath. He was right of course but it didn't make it any easier to hear from him. She nodded her head, mouth constricted in a tight scowl.

"If it helps…" he hesitated, before seeing her expectant face looking at him, "I thought about nothing other than you for the last 18 months. Well, and Emily, of course." His face was straight, no signs whatsoever of deception. But it was something Gillian couldn't hear right now.

"Cal…"

"No Gill, it's fine. Look I understand. I understand that you're seeing someone, that you weren't going to wait around for a bloody idiot like me, I don't blame you. It's probably not very fair of me to tell you even…" he trailed off, taking another deep breath. Gillian put a hand on his knee.

"Cal, I know, ok? I know how you feel about this. And, seeing as we're not being fair to each other, I thought about nothing else after you left either. But…I can't. We, I'm….it's probably better this way," she eventually went with the easy answer,, the one that was a cop out. She wasn't going to put herself in a difficult position. He nodded solemnly.

"Yeah," he agreed, but she knew that he didn't agree at all. He nodded, sighing, finally putting his empty bottle down on the coffee table.

"Cal…will you tell me where you went?" she asked quietly. He took a deep breath and looked at her.

"Some other time love," he said simply.

OXOXOXO


	8. Chapter 8

Gillian sat in his office one afternoon a week later reviewing some video footage. He had managed not to contribute a single useful suggestion to a single case since he'd got back. He knew the others had noticed and were wondering what was going on with him. Gillian was holding up the fort on that one, telling anyone who asked that he was still jetlagged even though she had no idea where he had been and it was almost 6 weeks since he'd returned. Unless he'd been on the moon, she knew it wasn't still jetlag. But she didn't know what else to say to their employees.

Even now, reviewing the video, she was doing all the talking. Cal was watching her. She seemed a little flustered lately, she was tired looking and the healthy glow she'd had when he first came home had dimmed a little. He frowned. It struck him that the decline began not long after he'd returned.

"Cal?" she snapped him out of his reverie. He raised his eyebrows.

"Sorry love, what did you say?" He zoned out again when she began to explain.

"Is everything alright with you love?" he cut her off, figuring his usual stumble right in approach was the best way to ask her if she was ok. She stopped mid-sentence.

"I'm fine Cal, why wouldn't I be?" He sat forward, leaning on his desk.

"You look tired. And have done for a while. You're not….glowing, the way you were when I came back…" Gillian swallowed hard.

"I'm fine Cal. A little stressed, that's all."

"Has Tom done something wrong?" Gillian was about to chastise him when Tom himself walked in, without knocking. Cal sat back in his chair. He bit his lip to stop himself from making a 'no knocking' remark.

"Oh good, you're _both_ here," he said with just a hint of venom in his tone. Cal tilted his head. He didn't like the tone and decided to have a little fun with him as a retaliation.

"Oh you'll find we're never too far apart…" he said, casting a glance at Gillian who was focusing on the ground, her lips pouted into a thoughtful pose. Tom dropped a sheet on Cal's desk.

"Sign offs for payroll," he said curtly. Cal pulled a pen from his pocket and checked through the sheet. Gillian looked up at Tom, forced a smile, Cal noticed.

"Are we still on for tonight?" she asked quietly, as if trying to keep it quiet from Cal. Tom bit his bottom lip and took a step backwards. Cal saw Gillian's face contort into a knowing one.

"It's my mother's birthday and…she wants to have a family dinner. I meant to tell you earlier, it slipped my mind. Can we reschedule?" Gillian simply nodded, taking the sheet from Cal and signing the bottom of it without reading it. She handed it to him with another forced smile on her face. He left without another world. Cal raised his eyebrows so that Gillian saw them when she looked up at him.

She stood up immediately.

"I'm not getting into it Cal. It's none of your business." She figured the aggressive route was the way to go. Cal held his hands up in retreat.

"I never said a word."

"Well don't. This video, have you anything to add?" she asked, gathering her files, heading for the doorway, expecting him to stop her with some standout observation he'd made while staring at a piece of lint on the floor. But he didn't. He just shook his head. Gillian paused for a moment before shrugging and leaving, letting the door swing shut behind her. Cal sat back in his chair, a bit more pleased with himself.

OXOXOXO


	9. Chapter 9

Cal was in a better mood that evening when he sat down on the couch. He had called Emily down in Berkeley and spoken to her for a while before his dinner started burning in the oven and he'd had to go. He was doing his usual evening routine now of flicking through the TV stations, finding something that he could turn the sound down on. After twenty minutes he'd fallen asleep.

OXOXOXO

He was woken up by the frantic knocking on the door. He peeled his eyes open as he stood up and moved to the door. A quick glance through the peephole told him what he'd already suspected. He opened the door, holding it open wide as she paced in past him. He followed her into the kitchen where she had opened his fridge and was looking for a beer. Cal walked over to her, reaching over her shoulder to grab the fridge door and closing it over in front of her. She found herself pushed flush against his body and her breath caught in her throat.

"No beers love. Wine?" he spoke in a deliberately low voice and saw her nod as she stepped away from him. Cal moved the opposite way around the kitchen island to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses. He jerked his head towards the sitting room and moved into the room. He sat down on the couch and she plonked down next to him. She was very annoyed. He poured the wine and handed a glass to her. She drank and they sat in silence for a moment.

"So…Tom's still not bringing you to family events?" Cal put down a cautionary test step.

"He's not at a family dinner," she said vehemently. Cal nodded his head. He knew that. They were silent again for a minute before Gillian put her wine glass down and turned in her seat to look at him.

"Cal. What's going on with you? I know something is wrong. You haven't contributed a single word to a case since you came back. You're quiet, you're polite, I can read every thought off your face and I know that's not you. So what's going on? What's got you so messed up? Where did you go for the last 18 months?" She took a deep breath as she finished and grabbed her wine glass to take a large mouthful. Cal watched her before putting down his own wineglass, wondering which question to answer first.

"I want to Africa," he began, "I want back to all the old places, all the places I visited when I went on research trips. I trekked around the continent and one day, maybe about 9 months in, I stumbled across this little war-torn village I remember from years ago, I don't even know where I was… It was unrecognisable only I knew it from years ago. And, it was dreadful. It was really dreadful. Everyone, almost everyone was wiped out in a governmental purge. Anyone that was left was horrifically injured, mothers, kids, didn't matter…" he trailed off and took a deep breath, taking another swig out of his glass of wine. Gillian's mouth hung open at the raw emotion on his face.

"Cal…"

"…and I couldn't read them Gill. None of them. I couldn't read their faces because…there was nothing but pain and suffering. Even…there was a wedding, or the ritual equivalent, while I was there – should be a happy occasion, but if it was, I didn't see it. And it's when I realised that everything, all of this, it's a bloody stunt isn't it? It's a joke. I don't have anything that someone with half decent powers of observation doesn't have…"

"Cal, that's ridiculous. Just because you came across someone you couldn't read, it doesn't mean your whole science is null and void. You know that's not true Cal…"

"Gill, what good is it really? I couldn't read those people, I couldn't help them. I can't read the people who matter, the people I love. I can't read you, I couldn't read my mum or my dad. None of it matters if you can't read the people who matter…" Gillian frowned and suddenly something made sense to her.

"Is this why you've been so quiet in the office for the last month?"

"I don't, I _can't_ see these things anymore. I just see the faces of those kids in that village – broken, tormented and horrified, I see them in my sleep for God's sake… And I can't take it…It's driving me insane…" He trailed off and grabbed his glass of wine again, draining its contents, picking up the bottle and refilling it. She laid her hand on his wrist and he stopped, looking at her.

"Cal…you can't blame yourself for your parents. I know you do. But it wasn't your fault. And as for me, you've always been able to read me. You say you can't but it's only because you don't need to. You know me better than I know myself." She squeezed his hand. He looked at their entwined hands, then up at her. He shook his head but she reached her hand up to hold him still, her hand on his cheek.

"Stop doubting yourself Cal. You've never done that, now's not the time to start." He bit his lip and looked away from her.

"You've always put a lot of trust in me Gill. I'm not sure I've earned all of it…" Gillian let her hand drop from his face to his knee.

"Cal, I want you to do two things for me. One, stop doubting yourself. Stop acting like this one experience can somehow cancel out everything good you've done for the last twenty years. It doesn't work like that Cal so stop acting like it does." Cal sighed. He reached forward and picked up his glass of wine. He took a gulp from it, realising her hand was still on his knee only after he'd put the glass back down. She didn't tell him what the second thing she wanted him to do was. He knew what it was. Open his mouth; speak up; _see_ again. He nodded his head and whispered under his breath,

"I'll try."

OXOXOXO

**Ok, I may have cut off prematurely there but the next chapter is a continuation of this scene. Hopefully people are still with me and this doesn't seem like too unrealistic of a scenario.**

**Sorry about delay. Ran out of pre written chapters!**


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